For almost a year I was looking for something, anything, to stop from sliding further and further into that dark place. At times it mentally felt like my fingernails were ripping off of my hands as I tried to cling to anything or anyone that I wanted for myself. Eventually you get tired and you have no choice but to surrender.
Surrender. It’s an interesting word no matter when you use it. The idea of surrendering sounds weak, but in the right context it can be liberating. It’s also scary because you are forcing yourself to be vulnerable in a lot of spaces where you’ve previously been hurt and you promised you’d never allow yourself to feel that again. Yet, to heal and to grow, you have to surrender. Surrender to the process.
So I surrendered to the process. To therapy. To rest. To the parts of me that I had given no space in my life out of fear. Out of it came a new journey. In the middle of a pandemic I started a brand. I had no idea how it would work out but I knew other people were feeling how I felt and I wanted to create something to help those parts of us speak. I’m overwhelmed at the support that people across the country and all around the world are showing me and the love they have for what I’m doing.
To those who have been and/or are a part of my journey, thank you. To the people who have left me, thank you. To the people who have helped me, thank you. The people who have hurt me, thank you. The joy, the sadness, the love, the hate, the acceptance, the rejection, the comfort, and the pain, it’s all been part of the process and why this is coming to fruition.
Until I’m empty.